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A ship with 3 women on it sank 100 meters from shore. The red head swam 25m, then drowned. The brunette
swamn 50m, then drowned. The blonde swam 75m, swam back to the crash site, then drowned. ~
A blonde walks into an electronics store and says to the clerk, "hi, I'd like to buy this T.V." and
the clerk says to her "sorry, we do not serve blondes." The next day, the same girl walks in but her hair is died red. She
says to the clerk, "hello, i'd like to buy that T.V." and he says to her "sorry, we do not serve blondes." The next day, the
girl walks in with her hair died brown. She says to the clerk, "hey, i'd like to buy that T.V." he says once again, "i'm sorry, miss,
but we do NOT SERVE BLONDES." the girl then says to him, "How did you know that i'm a blonde? I died my hair yesterday and
today!" the clerk says "I knew because that is not a T.V. you are looking at - it's a microwave!" ~
A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the
city, so she wants to see the capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.
"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "How do I get to the capitol building?"
The officer says, "Wait here at this
bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
Three
hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and sure enough the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the capitol building, I said to wait here for the number
54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long
now. The 45th bus just went by!" ~
A blonde went to the hair salon to have her hair cut. She was wearing headphones. She said to the
barber "DO NOT cut the wires!" and the barber replied, "well, I cannot cut your hair if you don't take your headphones off!!"
the girl said "if you take these headphones off of my head, i will DIE!!!" the barber, not seeing how this could be a life
or death situation, yanked off the blonde's headphones, and the girl instantly dropped dead on the floor. Shocked, the barber
put on the headphones to see why the girl had died. "Breath in...Breath out....Breath in...Breath out..." ~
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I
hate all the blonde jokes people say."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are alot of stupid people out there. Here I'll
prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.
So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take
me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the
brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See that guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replies the blonde." There
was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead." ~
I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized that I
ran
out of vacation time already.
I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me
home was to act a little crazy.
I figured he'd think I was burning
out and give me some time off.
I came in to work early the other day and began
hanging upside
down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers (she's >blonde..it'll be important later)
came
in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off.
I'm a light bulb."
A second
later the Boss walked by and asked me
what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed
"You're going crazy,"
he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out.
My blonde coworker started following
me and
the Boss asked where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said. ~
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A blonde walks into an electronics store and says to the clerk, "hi,
I'd like to buy that T.V. over there." the clerk says to the girl, "sorry, we don't serve blondes." The next day, the blonde
comes into the store with her hair died red and says to the clerk, "hi, I'd like to buy that T.V. over there." the clerk says
"sorry, we do not serve blondes." The next day, the same girl walks in with her hair died brown, and says to the clerk, "hello,
i'd like to buy that T.V. over there." The clerk says, "Miss, we DO NOT SERVE BLONDES." the girl, frustrated says, "How did
you know I am a blonde? I died my hair red, and then brown!" the clerk says: "i knew because that is not a T.V. you are looking
at. It's a microwave." ~
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb, and one of them
calls 911...
Blonde: "We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb."
Operator: "Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh
bulb?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Operator: "The power in the house in on?"
Blonde: "Of course."
Operator: "And the switch
is on?"
Blonde: "Yes, yes."
Operator: "And the bulb still won't light up?"
Blonde: "No, it's working fine."
Operator:
"Then what's the problem?"
Blonde: "We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves." ~
Blonde Inventions
1.
The water-proof towel
2.
Solar-powered flashlight
3.
Submarine screen door
4.
A book on how to read
5.
Inflatable dart board
6.
A dictionary index
7.
Ejector seat in a helicopter
8.
Powdered water
9.
Pedal-powered wheelchair
10. Waterproof
teabag ~
There
were 2 blondes that had locked themselves out of
a car, blonde #1, who is attempting to jimmy open the
door using
an old coat hanger, says, "i can't get the door
open! it won't budge!" the other blonde says, "well hurry
up,
it's starting to rain and the top is down!!!" ~
A blonde, who happened
to be looking for some money, decided to walk into "richtown" ( $.$ ) and see if anyone needed any help for a small pay. so
she walked up to a very large house, rang the doorbell and said, "excuse me, sir, but would you happen to need any small jobs
done for a very small amount of money?" the elderly man, not used to beautiful young ladies coming to his door, was a bit
taken aback but merely said, "why yes, as a matter of fact, i do. i need you to paint my porch. every thing you need is in
the garage."
half an hour later, the blonde rang the doorbell and said to the man, "i'm finished sir!" and the man
said, "already ?!?" and paid the blonde. as the blonde was about to leave, she said, "oh and by the way, it's a ferrari, not
a porsche!!!"~
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