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Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," announced the 60 year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the
time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70 year old. "When you're 70,
you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out !"
"Actually,"
said the eighty year old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?", asked the sixty year old.
"No ... not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I pee like a race horse - no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble
taking a crap?", asked the 70 year old.
"No, not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30."
With
great exasperation, the 60 year old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap
every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty?"
To which the eighty year old replied - "I don't
wake up until ten!" ~
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The
boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen
anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an
old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between
them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the
walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and
a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother." ~
There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and
a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between
the two.
The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain. The scientist
was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so he could try to figure them out.
Finally, the scientist
was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was
doing, ignored him and continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the scientist, who irritably
asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then,
YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but
he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's
offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if
you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now,
the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist
said, "what is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't
stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist
happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes,
then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from
the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally
gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the
poet quietly watching the mountains of Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He reluctantly handed
the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You
can't do this to me! What's the answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put another $5 bill into his
hand. ~
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north
in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take
a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one question. The manager went
up to Boudreaux and said "Thank you for your interest, but we' ve decided to give the local man the job." Boudreaux said "Why
You gonna be doin dat sir, we both got 9 questions right?"
The manager said, "We made our decision not on
the correct answers, but on the one you missed."
Boudreaux asked "An jus how da heck would one incorrect answer be
mo betta dan da otter?"
The manager replied, "Simple, the local man put down on question #5, 'I don't know,' you put
down, 'neither do I.' ~
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